I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
