Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
