note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
