Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
