once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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