First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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