I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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