How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
