the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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