I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize