who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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