thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
