I need help removing her.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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