I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She told me I should be a condom model.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
