burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
