So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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