then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
