from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
