I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
