did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
