we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
