You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
