My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
