Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
