My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My pussy is not your playground.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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