SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Drake has all the answers
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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