oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Randomize
