I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
