If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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