worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
