Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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