fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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