Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize