Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
