now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
