Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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