Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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