My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
