I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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