I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Still dying that you shit outside
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
