allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
