if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
