I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize