Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
