Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
