What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
