When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
