hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
