To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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