And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
