i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
