Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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