I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
