im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
