Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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