This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
