Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you never un-have a 4some
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
