i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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