U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize