And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
