I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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