Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
