she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
