i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
