i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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