He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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