Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
