I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
