I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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