hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
