you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
