About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
