I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
