Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Houston, we have a squirter
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
