i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
