i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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