I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
