My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
