you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
