Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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