I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
