he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize