Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
