I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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