im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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