just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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