god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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