Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
