You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
