I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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