Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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