Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
birth control should be required to get into college
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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