Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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