The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
