it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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