Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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