and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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