someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
