My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
