its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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